Crowds line the streets of Hamburg. PHOTOS BY JACQUELINE DORMER
Originally published in the Pottsville Republican-Herald on September 5, 2021.
HAMBURG - Amongst the live music, vendors and countless hamburger stands, the highlight of Saturday’s Taste of Hamburg-er Festival was the Profesional Hamburger Eating Contest (not to be confused with the Amateur Hamburger Eating Contest, which happened earlier in the day). Volunteers shooed flies away from the waiting burgers, supplied by Hamburg’s Red Robin franchise. The five “world’s best eaters” who competed Saturday, and their previous gustatory achievements, were announced to the baying crowd like wrestlers in a WWE match. Which of these five could eat the most hamburgers in ten minutes?
First was Sean “The Mouth” Yeager of Phoenixville, who came in second place at the 2021 Delco Cheesesteak Bowl. Second was Josh “The GOAT” Krady of Telford, who once ate an entire 16-inch pizza in 10 minutes. Then came Andrew “Snacks” Puhl of Shippenville, who ate 10 pounds of Fig Newtons in one sitting, and Dan “Killer” Kennedy of West Decatur, who ate 120 tacos in 10 minutes, 75 McDonald’s pies in one sitting, 41 chili dogs in ten minutes and 107 quesadillas in ten minutes. Finally, they announced the main attraction. Molly Schuyler of Harwood, Maryland, the returning champion, who ate 21 Red Robin burgers at the last festival in 2019.
“She ate five pounds of sushi in 3 minutes and 501 chicken wings in 30 minutes!” The announcer said.
“It’s a she?” The woman standing in front of me said, shocked.
All five contestants were here. The eager crowd fought over the t-shirts they tossed. Free burgers and $1,000 were at stake. The ketchup and mustard were applied. Each plate had 15 burgers on it, “to start.” Someone was holding up a sign reading “Goat GO!” The ten minutes began. The world’s best eaters bit with machine-like precision. The atmosphere made the Roman colosseum look like a ballet studio. Some chanted “Molly! Molly! Molly!”
“Come on, Molly!” Someone shouted. “He’s catching up!”
Dave Long of Lenhartsville's Salem Church. The Church saved souls and flipped burgers at Saturday's festival.
“This is a very difficult contest,” the announcer said. “Burgers are one of the more difficult contests these eaters will participate in. You got the ground meat, the grease, the dried bun.”
The eaters jumped up and down to get the food to their stomach faster. They did this to prevent what the announcer called a “reversal.” He told those in front of the stage to stand back.
“This is a faster race than the Kentucky Derby right here! They’re leaving no piece behind!”
Shortly after the five-minute mark, Schuyler finished her 15th burger. She needed another plateful. All five tore apart their quarry. Ketchup bled from their mouths and hands.
“Let’s have a round of applause for these eaters!” The announcer said. The crowd roared.
At eight minutes, Schuyler was on her 20th burger. The world record was growing near.
“If that don’t inspire you to get more burgers,” a man in the audience said to his friend, “I don’t know what will.”
“Ugh, she’s hitting a wall,” his friend said.
The ten minutes were up. Now came the real challenge; any eater who can’t “hold it down” for two minutes is disqualified. Yeager and Brady held onto the table, panting. Schuyler looked miserable.
“She’s gonna puke!” Someone shouted.
A family enjoys the Festival.
The two minutes elapsed. Schuyler won the contest, eating 22 burgers in ten minutes - a new world record. Killer Kennedy came in second place, eating 20.
“They put on an amazing show,” the announcer said. “How ‘bout a round of applause for these amazing eaters? This is the premiere hamburger eating contest on the east coast.”
“I feel full, and like I need a nap,” said Schuyler, 41. At first glance, no one would assume that a woman of her stature was “the greatest female eater in the world.” She has four kids and three jobs, and became a competitive eater because she “didn’t want to be like the other girls.” She had no strategy, she just ate as much as she could.
“It’s a mental game,” she said.
One of her many tattoos is “When life gets too hard to stand, kneel.”
Krady, 38, sat on a stone wall and punched his chest. He ate seven burgers. His strategy was to take small bites and wash them down with as much fluid as possible.
“Once the liquid starts settling, it starts getting better,” he said. “I try to get a rhythm. I can’t waste my time.”
He wants people to know his name, and get a little money here and there, too.
“The food and the friendship,” he said. “Meeting new eaters and hangin’ out with ‘em.”
Fans lined up to get their picture taken with Schuyler, including a kid with a plastic AR-15 and Nick Sokolovich of Bernville, who wore American flag spandex.
“She’s the GOAT at what she does, and I respect her,” said Sokolovich, a huge fan of competitive eating. “Joey Chestnut is my Messiah.”
“Why isn’t this kid eating with us?” Schuyler said.
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